I haven't updated in a month. I'm not surprised. I'd think about it occasionally, but journaling/blogging takes quiet moments of reflection, and I had none of that in February.
Eric had a hammertoe removed, so he was home on 30 days of convalescence leave. I'm sure if it had been a hand, or shoulder or some other body part, he could have managed going for walks or driving himself somewhere. But it wasn't and he couldn't and so we were stuck with each other. He'd either get his clock totally turned around and be up all night and sleep all day (usually in the living room with the tv going whenever I wanted it) or he'd be almost manic awake and not leaving me alone except to go to the bathroom or go to work. And when I come home from working at Walmart I don't want to talk to anyone. I just want quiet to decompress. And that's not how he rolls when he's in the mood to talk. If I'm actually watching something on tv, he doesn't care that I want to pay attention to the plot, he talks anyway. Thank goodness for the pause button. Sometimes he gets the hint, sometimes he doesn't.
We didn't fight, but I was really at the end of my rope.
Anywhoo - he's been going to work for the past week. Still not as many hours gone as I'd like, but my attitude has definitely improved.
But now I feel like I've wasted a whole month. Again, I've realized that I HAVE to review my goals at least weekly to feel like I'm on top of things and make adjustments. And I have failed miserably at that the past month.
We leave here in basically 3 months. I haven't accomplished half of what I wanted to by this point.
Goals as I set them in January.....
Jan-May
- Purge stuff before the move - (aka - look like I’m moving into a tiny house. 3 bedrooms, kitchen, living room, hall closet, pantry, outdoor closets - 8 “rooms” to clear) About 3 garbage bags full.
- Digitize all photos - nope
- Streamline all on-line digital storage (google pictures, one drive, icloud, flickr, photobucket) Ok, yes, I've done this one.
- Doctor’s appointment - snoring, blood sugar, IUD removal - nope
- Eye exam (April?) - nope. And with tax bill, might have to wait until I get a job in Norman.
- Vehicle inspection (due in Feb) - yes
- Get rid of china Lenox - Margaret pattern - nope
June -Dec
- Get a job quickly in Norman
- Update resume
- Update linkedin and other sites
- Get proof of Cherokee citizenship - yes
- Finish CBLs and renew certification - only have 5 hours left to do. Can't re-certify until July.
- Find a church home in Norman
- Combine Metlife and Merril Lynch accounts
All Year
- Have either the car or student loans paid off by the end of the year (extra $475 a month on car, extra $767 a month on student loans PLUS regular automatic payment) - nope
- Lose 30 pounds - nope
- Have Nathan finish his Eagle - nope
- Read through the bible in one year - surprisingly, yes, I'm still doing this
- Yoga or tai chi (aka work on flexibility) - nope
- curb my foul mouth (not sure I can curb my sarcastic ways, but at least I can avoid swearing).
Sat down to do the taxes. Walmart did me dirty and didn't take out enough federal taxes, so we owe $5,559. I could pay about $2000 outright and either put the rest on payment plan through the IRS, or put it on the credit card and pay off at my leisure. Probably the smart thing to do is automatic deduction payment schedule, but I worry about committing to payment plans when I don't know how long it will be before I get a job in Norman/OKC. We have until April 17 to file, but I'd like us to make a plan and commit to it in the next week.
Next week is spring break. At least we'll get Nathan's room purged during that time. Hopefully I can knock out some purging of my own that week. (I love not having to get up with an alarm clock). We have also got to work on his family life merit badge. ugh.
Been spending time today also thinking about politics and progressiveness and religion. I was raised a southern baptist republican. And until I worked at Catholic Charities and learned about Catholic social teaching, I started caring more about social justice issues. And now the GOP just doesn't do it for me. I yearn for a more progressive and inclusive society where everyone's voice is heard. Many of the poor are that way due to systemic racial and misogynistic injustices. But to hear the GOP and white evangelicals talk about it, the poor are just lazy or made bad choices and that's their own fucking fault and good luck getting yourself out of it, because I'm not going to help you. I don't want to live like that. I despise the fact that privileged white men are in control of congress and most of government, and they don't have an ounce of compassion in them and they refuse to even try to see the other person's point of view.
I don't think capitalism is the end all, be all. Yes, I'd like to keep all the money I make, but I also want to make sure that every kid in America has food and a decent education. Those kids are going to be my doctors and nursing home worker some day. I'm ok with spending my money on that. Eric will whine about regulations being bad and always brings up some hypothetical small business owner that he hears about on Fox radio and how regulation will take all his money and leave nothing for his kids to inherit. First of all, you're not a small business owner yourself, so why is a hypothetical businessman more important than anyone else? Regulations are not bad. They're there for a reason, like safety or environmental protections, but fuck if I mention that.
My mother will say that America started to decline once they took prayer out of school. I don't know - maybe there's a point. But white evangelicals and the GOP who act like the Bible was written as if Americans are the chosen people really get on my nerves. But I see myself having knee-jerk oppositional reactions to whatever they say. Today I'm sort of questioning whether my righteous indignation of their shit is actually faith based, or is the devil trying to rile me up and sow discord. I'm trying to remind myself that even Trump could have a Road to Damascus moment. (I mean - I can say that it could happen. Doesn't mean I believe it will.) But I suppose I have to be willing to think all things are possible with God, so maybe I need to just quit spending so much time on twitter and watching MSNBC and just focus on the people around me and try to walk in love.
Anyway - goals for next week (spring break)
- purge Nathan's room
- make doctor's appointment
- get rid of china
- figure out the family life merit badge
- consolidate all photos
(I do feel better for having emotionally vomited all over my keyboard just now).
